time keeps ticking by...

So I guess we're 3 weeks closer than the last time I posted. I finally resolved myself to believing it was going to be a while before our referral and it's working! I'm not anxious- I forget my phone in my office all the time while I'm running around school. I know we're getting there- and that God's timing is the best timing of all. Ross is taking me on a surprise getaway for my birthday this weekend so I've been slightly occupied trying to figure out where we're going. I will be really surprised if I don't find out by the time we hit the road- he is the worst at keeping secrets from me. He always tries to give me gifts the second he buys them because he wants to see how excited I am. Our first married Christmas I'm pretty sure we opened our gifts to eachother on the 23rd because we couldn't wait any longer. Truth be told I don't care at all- I told him that he could take me to a hotel in Podunk (odd how I capitalized that as if it's a real place- I guess it could be!) and just hang out all weekend and that would suit me fine! I'm really enjoying our time together as a family of two. Soon that will be history. We've been the two of us for almost 12 years now (married about 5 of those). I have loved this time with him. I just want to keep enjoying it while we anticipate becoming a family of three...and not wish these days away. I know referrals have slowed down with our agency and hopefully they will pick up before long. Some families have been waiting quite a while to meet their child and I hope we're celebrating (even if it's over the internet) new referrals and court dates soon!

2 months down!

2 months on the wait list today! It’s gone pretty easily so far. Hopefully we’re at least half way to receiving our referral. I have anxious days and other days where I’m sure the call won’t come for a while. All in all things are going well. I can’t help but to think about how this part of the waiting process is the easy part. Once we see that sweet face and start calling our child by name while we’re waiting for a court date-- I think it will be much harder to wait.

We still have a nursery to get ready. We will hopefully start painting soon- the same light green color will be on the walls regardless if our referral is for a boy or girl. My grandmother and a sweet family friend have volunteered to make our crib bedding and curtains so those will be more gender specific. So many people are ready to love this little one! Students at school are constantly asking if there is any news- if we’ve gotten the important phone call yet- it’s so sweet.

Its funny- some days I feel completely prepared and ready- like I could jump on a plane and head to Ethiopia. And then I have days where it hits me- this is really happening! I think because we spent about 6 months thinking about the whole process before beginning that in my mind sometimes it’s still just a process. I was talking to my wonderful mother in law the other day and she said “One day they actually ARE going to call you.” And I thought- Oh my gosh, one day they actually WILL call us! That IS going to happen! It just doesn’t always seem real. I bet it will when we see that sweet face!

I had the best dream a few nights ago that I have ever had. In the dream Ross and I were at church and he went to get our little guy from the nursery. When he saw me he just started running, in the cute, unbalanced toddler way and grabbed on to my leg. As soon as I picked him up he just held on and started giving me sweet baby kisses. It was so real. I can still see what he looked like... big bright brown eyes, a huge smile, and a head full of curly hair. I knew I was dreaming but I so desperately wanted to stay asleep! It was amazing.

But I have to say that part of me is struggling thinking about our child’s birth family, too. At some point this family has had to make an incredibly hard decision not to parent this child. I can’t imagine the pain associated with that- and it seems unfair that what will bring another family such sadness will bring us such joy. I don’t know what to do about that other than to pray for them. Pray that God comforts their sorrow and gives them peace. And that they know this child will be so loved and someday understand what a selfless decision his/her parents made.