Motherhood- a couple months in.

I told a friend that the only way I could describe motherhood was to say that it is love magnified. That's all I know to say to sum up my feelings about how I feel about my son. In the days that I waited to hold my child or hear him laugh- I couldn't imagine how it would feel. And now I'm two and a half months into these things being daily occurrences. How did we get here? How blessed am I that I get to look into such gorgeous brown eyes and hear him call me mommy over and over again? And sometimes I get almost sick wondering, "what if I had missed this?" What if I didn't go to church the Sunday that God whispered to me, "Our kids are there" while watching the video shot in Ethiopia? What if I decided not to listen? Could I have possibly missed out on being his mom? It is such an amazing thing- this love- makes me completely in awe of how much God loves me, as his child, if I love my child this much! That's not to say we are without our challenges- oh we are so far from that! We went from being a couple for 12 years to having a living, breathing, running, climbing toddler! His adjustment has been amazing- we're just trying to keep up.

There are a few things that happened through the course of our adoption that I don't want to forget. The first of course being the fact that months after that Sunday in church where I heard that "our kids are there" that months later, after not telling a soul about that, when discussing Ethiopia and adoption for the first time ever with my husband, he said to me, "I think our kids are there." Wow. That was the day we decided to jump in. Even a couple of months before that- around Christmas time- I had the craziest feeling of being prepared for something BIG. I had no idea what it was- just felt like God was about to rock my world with something! Little did I know on Christmas day that year, a little boy was born in Ethiopia. My son. That I wouldn't learn about for 17 months, was born. A few months later at our annual women's retreat I spent some time praying about our adoption and randomly opened my bible to a verse in Isaiah: "Make a signboard announcing the gift of a son I will give to you." At that point we had decided to request either gender- and we did that- but we felt pretty sure a boy was on the way! This day was exactly one year before Miles was relinquished to the orphanage.

Those signs- they all reassure me that this boy was meant to be our son. But my heart needs no reassurance.