The one where I cried in church

I didn’t think about today being tough for me. To be honest I have felt such a peace about the miscarriages that I have had and the waiting throughout our adoption that I didn’t at all expect it to be tough. And I don’t know if tough is the right word. It was just emotional. Our friends the Murphy’s told their story at church today. Their story of infertility for several years before the birth of their son- followed by several more years of infertility and God closing the door to them for biological children. Several months ago two sweet girls from Ethiopia joined their family. It is such a beautiful story of family and what God has planned for us. I cried some quiet tears- mostly of thanksgiving for knowing he has a plan. And knowing that it’s more than I can imagine. I didn’t expect the lump in my throat as mothers were asked to stand. I didn’t imagine the constant thoughts of the babies that almost were and the one who already is, yet is still unknown to us. I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself I just literally felt like my heart was overflowing with love for my child- the one I can’t hug yet- the face I’m just trying to imagine.

When the service ended and we made our way to the lobby I was fine. And then a wonderful friend greeted me with a hug and unexpected question of
“How are you today? I was thinking of you in there.” And that’s when the tears started pouring out. I couldn’t even explain them and I still can’t- can I be crying out of sadness when I know how grateful I am for this journey? A wonderful couple in our small group found me quickly and gave me a huge bear hug and encouraging words- and then another sweet friend hugged me and told me that she’d thought of me throughout the entire service. I never really felt like I needed that recognition from anyone- that I am a mother with a child who is living and breathing on the other side of the world who I will know soon. But God blessed me with that today- with these amazing people in my life who are willing to walk this road with us- to pray for and encourage us- and to soon celebrate with us. (Poor Ross was busy tearing down after the service and missed the whole scene- lucky for him!)

The rest of the day was fine. I knew I wanted to spend some time reading my bible tonight and just talking to God about this ride. Seeds of doubt were lingering in my mind which they do on occasion (will this actually happen for us?) And tonight when I opened my bible I opened it to the exact spot I did a little over a year ago to the verse that says “Make a large signboard and write on it the birth announcement of the son I am going to give you.”

He is so faithful.